Take it Back
by ScarredMockingjay
Summary: Harry is dealing with the loss of Sirius and the pending prophecy and only one person is around to help him cope. Compliant up to book 5. Ignores Books 6 and 7. Rated T just in case. H/Hr -Chapter updated/revised.


It was as relaxing as seeing him there staring blankly at the fire and unconsciously smiling to himself, or as frightening at seeing him out there risking his life for the safety of the world. It was also the fact that he was always there for me, to protect me and to console me. I was in love with him and it was something that I couldn't and wouldn't change. I'm not entirely sure when it happened, but one day I realized it and since then it has been growing. I first noticed it at the funeral, what a strange place some would say but it's where some people really let all their masks fall and show their true selves. Sirius was his godfather, and one of the two people whom he truly considered a father figure after never knowing his own parents and considering his experiences with the Dursley's. The lack of a body to bury was probably what made it worse for him, there would only be a plaque on a piece of stone with nothing to guard underneath but people's memories of a fallen man who suffered wrongly but loved those he considered family fiercely.

I stood there watching him as he sat on the grass his back against the tree. His eyes, which I had noticed earlier in the week had lost their spark, were hidden from me as his head was leaning on his arms which were on his bent knees. I could tell he was crying from the way his body shook. He sat at this tree almost all the time now, he was rarely seen inside the castle, in the tower or even in his own dormitory, but no one seemed to mind. They were all afraid to say anything lest he lash out at them in anger as he had done not even a year ago, all but me. I would follow him outside but I never let him realize this, I would sit in the bushes and cry for him. My heart would break when he would let out the loudest most heart breaking sobs in the middle of the night when he expected no one to hear him. I respected that he wanted some time alone to grieve and accept what had happened, but i didn't like not being able to help him.

After days of this and not seeing a change in him I started to worry even more. This wasn't healthy he needed to talk it out; he needed to let it all out and let himself be helped. I knew that like last time he wouldn't willingly come out and ask for help and that much like then he would be very selective as to whom he would let in. I knew I had the best chances to be let in; since I was the one he let in last time. I couldn't stand it anymore, I couldn't let him drown in his own pool of sorrow and misery, and I wouldn't let him fall into despair again. I needed to show him that he wasn't alone, that he still had friends that cared about him. So I made my move. I walked up to the tree put my back to it and slid down to the ground until I reached his side. Once he realized there was someone there with him he wiped his face and lifted it up to look out towards the lake. He turned his head towards me, and looked at me concerned and worried at seeing the tears on my face. I tentatively placed my hand on top of his knee and started crying again. He reached up with his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders pulling me closer to him with his other he reached to my face and wiped my tears. My head fell against his shoulder, and he placed his on top of mine. We sat there in silence for some time watching the sun slowly sink bringing with it an array of colors. Once it got dark I felt the pressure on my head leave and realized he had lifted his head. I looked up at him and saw him starring out at the sky watching the moon and looking down at the lake at its reflection. He didn't turn to me as he spoke, but his hoarse voice reached my ears as he asked,

"Why, Hermione? Why?" I wasn't sure what he was asking. Why was I there? Why did Sirius have to die? Why did these things have to happen to him? I answered the only one I knew the answer to.

"Because, I care about you and you're my best friend, Harry. Because you saved me from the troll five years ago and now I need to save you too."

"You have already saved, more times than I could possibly count. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." He replied quietly.

I didn't know how to reply. I didn't know how to make him see how important he was to me. I didn't know how to explain to him that it wasn't just the world that needed him, it was me.

"I can't imagine how you feel Harry, but you can't let this be the end of you. You need to find the will to keep going. You know that's what he would have wanted for you. Don't isolate yourself from those that want to help you. Everyone is afraid to come and check up on you, worried that you'd lash out at them."

"How come you're here then?" He replied perplexed,

"Because I know that you won't hurt me. I know that you're angry, lonely and miserable but I know that you need a friend right now. And I'm not afraid of you lashing out at me Harry. I dealt with it last time."

He looked down towards the lake and held his gaze steady. When he didn't reply I didn't push, I realized something I had said must have made him think more about it all. I waited for him to say something. After what could have been a half hour, he turned his head towards me and said,

"Why? Why do you try so much, I'm not worth your time, your patience, your worry...?"

"Don't you dare say that!" I interrupted. "You are worth so much to me Harry. You don't realize how much I've grown to depend on you. And that's because I...I..." I stopped. "No I can't" I mumbled under my breath I couldn't tell him, not now. But, he heard me.

"You what Hermione?"

"I, well I don't want to ruin anything Harry, I've been hiding this for a while, and now is not the right time to tell you. It's just that I, well, the thing is, I love you Harry." I finished quickly turning my head away.

He grabbed my face softly with his hands, and looked at me with a face of confusion, of surprise, but also of happiness. That is, until his face started to fall, and the longer he looked at me, the more it fell.

"No you can't. Take it back Hermione. Lie to me if you have to, but you can't. You can't love me, you mustn't."

"I will do no such thing, and why not! I know you feel the same way Harry, I saw it in your face, in your eyes just now. Why can't I love you? Why can't we, you, be happy for once?"

"Because of him, he will kill you. It's what he does. You've seen it yourself, he goes after people who are close to me, people I care about, people I love. He uses them as bait and they end up hurt or dead. And, I can't let that happen to you. Not to you. Never to you." He let his head fall and he started crying again. I reached over to him and hugged him tight.

"Nothing is going to happen to me Harry. I'll be in the safest place there is, by your side."

"You don't understand Hermione. It's not that simple. There's other factors that you're not taking into account, other things that by you being by my side will make it easier for him." He let his head rise, and took a very serious tone.

He looked determined, like he had just made a major decision and was now on a mission. "The prophecy Hermione, it's all about the prophecy. It broke in the Department of Mysteries, yes. But when it was first told someone was there to witness it, and they told me what it was. Dumbledore witnessed the prophecy. It singles me out at the person whom Voldermort found a greater threat and marked me as his equal and that I have a power that he doesn't know of. And, that I will either have to kill him, or he will kill me. There is no other way. Do you see now, Hermione? Do you? You being by my side will make you an easier target because when I have to face him, he will use you to stop me."

Not once did he look down at me. I assumed he was afraid of what I'd say, of how I would react. I was surprised by what he revealed to me, but what I got one thing out.

"Don't you see Harry, you have a power over him. Having friends and family that care about you, that's your power Harry. You yourself have said how he's a cold dead body, he doesn't know what it's like to feel love, or to be cared for, and he can't stand it that's why he couldn't possess you for that long back at the ministry. You were mourning the loss of a person that was so close to you that he couldn't stand being in your mind or body. You can't give up on me, on us Harry. You can't give up on something that can save you."

"But I won't be able to go on if I lost you Hermione. Yes Sirius was very important to me, and I still can't believe he's gone. But I'll be able to deal with this with some time and move on. But if it were you, Hermione, if it were you, I wouldn't be able to go on. I owe so much to you. You've never left my side, you've stayed with me even when you knew I was wrong. I can't bear to lose you." He said this softly as he looked down at his legs. Then he turned to look at me, "I love you so much"

"I love you too." I said back quietly. "And we'll get through this together. I won't leave you Harry, and I won't hide how I feel."

He turned towards me, his arm still around me, and just lent his head against mine. I turned so our foreheads were touching. I looked up into his eyes, and smiled seeing the look he was giving me. I went to stand, and grabbed his hand and pulled him up as well.

"Come on, let's go inside, you need to eat something, you've barely eaten this past few days. And you need some proper sleep. Ron's told me you go in late at night, and leave very early in the morning, and I've seen you and heard you a few nights out here myself."


End file.
